coconut lotion
Read Write Poem's NaPoWriMo #16 What is that smell?
the smell of coconut
lotion eclipses all else
my feet remember scorching sand
my eyes remember glaring sun
my ears remember wheeling gulls
my tongue remembers salty brine
I return to childhood
Notes: I wish I could still find sunscreen that has that smell. This poem came without punctuation. What do you think? Is the repetition of remember too much?
the smell of coconut
lotion eclipses all else
my feet remember scorching sand
my eyes remember glaring sun
my ears remember wheeling gulls
my tongue remembers salty brine
I return to childhood
Notes: I wish I could still find sunscreen that has that smell. This poem came without punctuation. What do you think? Is the repetition of remember too much?
A drop of magic!
ReplyDeleteAh, yes! I grew up in Florida, and this one brought back a lot of memories for me. I haven't smelled that old coconut bronzer beach smell in a long time, but I know exactly what you are talking about. I don't think repeating remember is too much, And I like the way you step through the senses.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this. :D
ReplyDeleteI felt like your repetition of the word "remember" served as the punctuation of the poem. (So to answer your question: no, it definitely was not too much). Well done!