investing in friendship
Sometimes I feel like I have three full-time jobs. My visiting assistant professorship with a 4/4 load plus research and service, the search for a new job to pick up when my current contract reaches its agreed-upon expiration date this summer, and being the sole parent of teenagers each demand my full attention. There are not enough hours in the day to do all of these jobs well, and I am not performing to my potential at any of them.
Given that reality, it's always tempting to use university breaks as an opportunity to catch up--to knock down the pile of grading, to write more cover letters, to revamp my professional website, to deep clean the apartment, to fill the freezer with meals for the coming weeks.
This spring break, I am not.
Today, day five of my break is the first day I have touched my laptop, and it feels decadent.
Instead of working on my jobs, in the first four days of my break, I traveled to Savannah, which is a beautiful city. They do squares better than DC does circles, for sure. And Spanish moss is both super weird and super interesting.
But really, this felt like a vacation in which I explored friendships.
Savannah is an eight-and-a-half hour drive from DC. Road trips require the assertiveness to make your needs known and the flexibility to meet everyone's needs efficiently, patience with one another and with the conditions outside the vehicle. But they also make space for sharing deep conversation and singing along with lighthearted music. Two entire days in the car was a new way of relating to each other for Jeff & Sarah, my road trip companions, and me.
Jeff & Sarah were going to visit his grandparents, and I was going to visit Brea, my oldest best friend, whom I met in the fifth grade. Our teacher, frustrated with each of us for constantly reading in the classroom, seated us in the same group, hoping we would engage with each other instead of with our books. For the first while, we just kept reading in tandem, but now we have the kind of friendship that stretches over great distances and blooms when we're together.
We spent two days rambling over the city, filling my camera with pictures, and catching up on each other's lives. Kathleen & Steven, friends of mine from Atlanta, briefly joined us in our rambling, as did a Brea's friend Lisa. I love being part of an interconnected web, and my favorite is when my people get to meet my people, and I get to meet theirs.
In the evenings, we filled our glasses and dove deeply into life, the universe, and everything. Brea's partner Chris excels at asking the hard questions, so this conversation wasn't always comfortable, but it was important, and I return to my regular life with a different vision. I feel like my self is a different shape.
My plans continue in a similar vein now that I'm back home--writing today with Carl, hiking with Jim tomorrow. This spring break, I am prioritizing time with friends. There are jobs I won't apply for because the letter won't be done. My students will be grumbly about waiting too long for grades. The book proposal I intended to send in January will be delayed yet another week. And I have no regrets.
Given that reality, it's always tempting to use university breaks as an opportunity to catch up--to knock down the pile of grading, to write more cover letters, to revamp my professional website, to deep clean the apartment, to fill the freezer with meals for the coming weeks.
This spring break, I am not.
Today, day five of my break is the first day I have touched my laptop, and it feels decadent.
Instead of working on my jobs, in the first four days of my break, I traveled to Savannah, which is a beautiful city. They do squares better than DC does circles, for sure. And Spanish moss is both super weird and super interesting.
But really, this felt like a vacation in which I explored friendships.
Savannah is an eight-and-a-half hour drive from DC. Road trips require the assertiveness to make your needs known and the flexibility to meet everyone's needs efficiently, patience with one another and with the conditions outside the vehicle. But they also make space for sharing deep conversation and singing along with lighthearted music. Two entire days in the car was a new way of relating to each other for Jeff & Sarah, my road trip companions, and me.
Jeff & Sarah were going to visit his grandparents, and I was going to visit Brea, my oldest best friend, whom I met in the fifth grade. Our teacher, frustrated with each of us for constantly reading in the classroom, seated us in the same group, hoping we would engage with each other instead of with our books. For the first while, we just kept reading in tandem, but now we have the kind of friendship that stretches over great distances and blooms when we're together.
We spent two days rambling over the city, filling my camera with pictures, and catching up on each other's lives. Kathleen & Steven, friends of mine from Atlanta, briefly joined us in our rambling, as did a Brea's friend Lisa. I love being part of an interconnected web, and my favorite is when my people get to meet my people, and I get to meet theirs.
In the evenings, we filled our glasses and dove deeply into life, the universe, and everything. Brea's partner Chris excels at asking the hard questions, so this conversation wasn't always comfortable, but it was important, and I return to my regular life with a different vision. I feel like my self is a different shape.
My plans continue in a similar vein now that I'm back home--writing today with Carl, hiking with Jim tomorrow. This spring break, I am prioritizing time with friends. There are jobs I won't apply for because the letter won't be done. My students will be grumbly about waiting too long for grades. The book proposal I intended to send in January will be delayed yet another week. And I have no regrets.
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