fear not
This week, Anne Voskamp reminded me of that moment in A Charlie Brown Christmas when Linus says the words, "Fear not!" and drops his security blanket.
Over and over, biblical encounters between human beings and angels include these words. Fear not! Angelic visitation indicates disruption, it is a precursor to drastic change, it is inherently frightening.
Not all things that cause fear are as sudden and extraordinary as the appearance of an angel to tell you that someone, possibly you, is unexpectedly pregnant, though.
A simmering anxiety has pervaded my life these last few months. I've been slightly anxious about pretty much everything: my career, my budget, my friendships, my loneliness. It was insidious, though, and I was not paying sufficient attention to notice the anxiety.
Instead, I noticed that I was watching more crappy television and reading more crappy books and doing less writing, that I was ordering more takeout and doing less cooking, that I was teaching on the fly and not planning ahead. I was really annoyed with myself about these things, but I was caught in a negative feedback loop.
Unlike Linus, I didn't have a single Fear not! moment.
The negative feedback loop started to break down several weeks ago, at the beginning of Advent, actually. While standing at the center of a labyrinth, I heard the words, just be where you are.
Be where you are.
Be where you are.
I've been hearing them over and over ever since.
Where I am is in the middle of a period of uncertainty. I should have recognized it. I mean, I've been here before. And I survived.
The difference is that the last time my life was this uncertain, I had chosen to put myself there.
Now that I see the anxiety, it has less power.
Be where you are, I remind myself, and fear not.
Over and over, biblical encounters between human beings and angels include these words. Fear not! Angelic visitation indicates disruption, it is a precursor to drastic change, it is inherently frightening.
Not all things that cause fear are as sudden and extraordinary as the appearance of an angel to tell you that someone, possibly you, is unexpectedly pregnant, though.
A simmering anxiety has pervaded my life these last few months. I've been slightly anxious about pretty much everything: my career, my budget, my friendships, my loneliness. It was insidious, though, and I was not paying sufficient attention to notice the anxiety.
Instead, I noticed that I was watching more crappy television and reading more crappy books and doing less writing, that I was ordering more takeout and doing less cooking, that I was teaching on the fly and not planning ahead. I was really annoyed with myself about these things, but I was caught in a negative feedback loop.
Unlike Linus, I didn't have a single Fear not! moment.
The negative feedback loop started to break down several weeks ago, at the beginning of Advent, actually. While standing at the center of a labyrinth, I heard the words, just be where you are.
Be where you are.
Be where you are.
I've been hearing them over and over ever since.
Where I am is in the middle of a period of uncertainty. I should have recognized it. I mean, I've been here before. And I survived.
The difference is that the last time my life was this uncertain, I had chosen to put myself there.
Now that I see the anxiety, it has less power.
Be where you are, I remind myself, and fear not.
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